NOVEMBER 2004
GENERATION EX:
Adult Children Of Divorce and The Healing Of Our Pain
JEN ABBASWaterbrook Press
www.jenabbas.com
This is a difficult book to read.
Having said that, more importantly, this is a book that is absolutely necessary and has been needed by many people for decades. Jen Abbas has taken the brave step to address Divorce, an issue that few want to talk about, but that fewer have been shielded from. It is staggering to realize how much of humanity has been affected by the breakdown of marital relationships, and this book shines a bright light on that fact.
But this is a book about coming to terms and finding healing from our True Abba Father, with the foundation that we are His children, firmly planted in His hand. This is how this book functions best. Jen clearly states that, in her experience, many adult children of divorce only begin to fully understand its impact on them when they begin the search for a potential spouse. This is often when it hits home.
I enjoyed reading this book for the fact Jen does not write this book from the angle of blame or from the perspective of a victim, but from the angle of a person that has found healing, and continues to seek that healing and wholeness. The reader is encouraged to, among other steps, make peace with the parties involved, redefine our family relationships, learn how to trust again, and create and re-create our own marriage models. Grieving and reconstruction are part of the process of becoming whole.
Before we can have peaceful hearts, we must grieve our disappointments and hurts. We must give ourselves permission to let the tears flow. Perhaps we see tears as an indication of weakness or a loss of control, and we want nothing more than to be strong and self-sufficient. Understand that grief comes in waves. We can't "get over" our loss in one or two crying sessions. We may grieve for years as new experiences reveal new losses - and that's okay. When feelings of sadness overwhelm us, we need to let ourselves feel them. The only way to deal with loss is to go through it. p.32-33
The author draws on scripture and provides tangible steps to get through the pain and heartache associated with divorce.
It will take time to develop the trust necessary to be successful in our most intimate relationships, but even before we reveal our heart, we can be wise by carefully selecting friends who reflect the qualities of a trustworthy person. p. 124
Generation Ex is not an easy read, but a very timely one.
Opinions and views are solely those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the opinions of MDM4M.